Restoration, according to Webster, means: a bringing back to a former position or condition; with a Biblical definition highlighting that it is to receive back more than has been lost to the point where the final state is greater than the original condition, with the main point being that someone or something is improved beyond measure (Jeremiah 30:17). When I think on this definition as it relates to my incredible father- it makes me beyond grateful to God for his example, our growth individually and our ever-evolving relationship.
My “Daddy” was my go-to from looking at his gross anatomy books to playing with his CPR test dummy, listening to him sing and laugh with my Uncle Charles to having him loudly yell my name as I finished a 5K, getting his amazing counsel on remaining authentic and honoring God in all I do to using his exuberance as a reminder to stay grateful and enjoy life! When I was little, any time I hurt myself- cuts or scrapes or sprained ankle or broken ribs- I called out for “Daddy” because I knew he would take care of me, he did it for all of his patients so I knew without a doubt that he would make his first born feel better. He has always been my hero, role model and someone I admired; adore my mother and let us be clear- I am a proud “Daddy’s girl!” My father goes by so many names (Uncle Keven/ Captain/ Major 8-Ball/ Chief/ Coach/ Brother Gray), is many things to many people (trainer/ advocate/ father-figure/ brother/ son/ caretaker/ paramedic/ counselor/ protector) and yet he always made time to make his girls (my mother, sister and myself) feel important and special. He taught me how to ride a bike, perform first-aid, operate and clean a firearm, musicianship and the best parts of four-part harmony in his favorite groups (Earth Wind & Fire, the Winans and Commissioned), correct form when running sprints, his infamous jump shot and how to run a route as a wide receiver; EKG interpretations, the flow of deoxygenated and oxygenated blood in and out of heart chambers, the importance of asking questions, debate and supporting your position with facts, honor and remember who you are-those who came before you-and whose you are, and the critical importance of keeping Christ first and family second. I believe he went above and beyond in terms of train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6) as I’m sure the Lord didn’t have many of these activities specifically in mind when His Holy Word was placed in print.
Adversity & Triumph. As I grew into adulthood, an independent thinker, avid world traveler (mostly alone) and fearless advocate; Daddy rolled with the punches yet I knew we were growing apart in a way. I could tell that perhaps he couldn’t quite see where he fit into my life and that he was beginning to believe that I may not need him anymore. Thank God for discernment in that regard, I prayed and asked God to help me show my hero that I will always need him- the look of it may be different now that I am not a child however my need for his presence, advice, laughter, support and maybe even rescue will be there. Many of the hills Daddy and I had to climb began unconsciously on my part, a solo trip abroad to Europe or Latin America or a protest in downtown D.C.- he would ask me why am I going anywhere much less out of the country alone, tell me don’t talk to strangers, reiterate what he believed was the need to stay within certain boundaries as it’s a “white mans’ world” and repeat some of the same parenting anecdotes all of which were once helpful but as an adult were infuriating.
I began extending the olive branch by calling from random countries and sending Daddy super snazzy gifts & trinkets from my travels that I knew he would like. I would call ‘Daddy-daughter time’ where we would either go for a walk, jog, or ride and actually talk. It was during these talks that we began to move beyond the phase of our relationship where we simply shrugged our shoulders regarding what we didn’t understand in each other, toward listening and observing alternate perspectives to better love and support each other more fiercely than we already did. Improved beyond measure. When we were both younger, Daddy was a strong, charismatic servant leader in every community he was a part of, loving and devoted husband and father, loyal friend and busy working. I was a protective, never shy, witty, caring, stubborn and inquisitive child. Daddy is still charismatic, devoted, loyal and a servant leader in every way; he enjoys home- place of peace- more, listening to music while he cleans, watching old movies. I still have quite a few of my childhood traits with charisma, charm, independent thinking, openness to where God leads (even if I’m the first), pro-Black & melanated and passionate mentor added over time. No wonder Daddy probably looked at me as if he had no idea where I came from! Final state is greater than the original condition. Daddy and I simply realized that we needed to figure out how to honor each other not as we were but as we are, remember that our relationship will be in constant flux, including many ebbs and flows/ peaks and valleys, with mutual respect and love remaining strong.
Restoration. Over time and with purposeful work on both of our parts, we make it known that we are blessed to have each other- God does all things well…anyone who could raise and deal with my crazy & spontaneity deserves a medal. I had no idea it was possible yet our relationship is even better now than it was when we were younger and we were always close! For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:13-16). My mind frequently goes back to the days when I wanted to follow in his footsteps and become a flight paramedic, he told me “No- you can do that straight out of high school, you are going to college and make a path all your own baby girl…” and that somehow without verbalization Daddy knew who I was to become was already set by God. I don’t just want my Daddy, I have many moments that I need him- need to hear his voice, his crazy sense of humor, his validation that I am doing the right thing, his big bear hugs, his consistently asking me “where in the world are you now?” and most importantly for him to know that he is the best father for a girl like me!
Alisha C. Gray, MPH
Alisha is currently the Project Coordinator for both the Disease Burden & Simulation Unit and Sub-Saharan Africa Regional Program within the Global Pediatric Medicine Department at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. She also writes grants for Childbirth Survival International, an NGO that provides health services and information for women and children largely in Africa.
In prior roles, Alisha has worked to advance influenza emergency response in Mexico, Panama, and Chile by presenting epidemiological data and facilitating communication and service initiatives between in-country Ministries of Health and global health partners from the Pan American Health Office; she also helped to reduce the incidence of guinea worm disease in South Sudan by providing clinical care and designing health communication strategies aimed to eradicate the disease.
A graduate of Florida A&M University and Drexel University School of Public Health, she is an extremely passionate and energetic traveler, public health advocate, and servant leader especially dedicated to vulnerable populations.
Alisha lives by Galatians 2:20- “I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not I but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
